A Letter To My Daughter

You are a strong woman. Don't let him tell you otherwise. Stand up and don't be afraid. You can do this.

 No matter what he says or how hard he hits, he cannot keep you down. Walk away. You have a lot of people who will help you, who will fight for you and your children. But you cannot be afraid to take those first steps.

Don't let him scare you with his threats. He is nothing but a coward. A real man would not threaten to take a child away from her mother. A real man would not threaten you with mommy and daddy's money. A real man does not use his fists when he doesn't get his way. He is nothing.

Find the strength within yourself to walk away. You need to do this for yourself and your children.

Don't be afraid to tell others how he treats you. He does not deserve to be protected. Scream it out that he hurts you, that he threatens you. People will listen. People will be there to help you.

Please walk away. I love you too much to see you go through this. It is killing me to know that I cannot fix everything for you. But even though I can't take it all away, I will be there to help you through it. I will hold your hand through it all. You just need to take those first steps and don't look back. Take your baby and go. Leave everything else behind. We can always replace "stuff". We cannot replace you.

You are a strong woman. You can do this. I love you.

I'm Finally There!

I have wanted to be a midwife for a long time.

I started my training as a childbirth educator back in 1992 and as I got deeper into the childbirth community, the desire to become a midwife has gotten stronger. Unfortunately, due to life's little bumps, I've had to put this dream on the back burner for some time. But now the time has come to move forward.

I found out yesterday that I have been accepted into the Certified Nurse Midwifery/Women's Health Nurse Practitioner program at Georgetown University! Classes begin August 8th! I am so excited!

I will be going part-time to make it a little easier to juggle family life with school. Since my husband travels quite often and I still have a little one that is not in school yet, I decided it would be best to take it slow. It should take about 2 years to complete the program. No matter, I am so happy that I am finally to this point! I finally see the prize at the end!  49 credits and 900 clinical hours is all the stands between me and my dream! It has been worth the wait!!!!

Accomplishments....

Today, after I finished exercising, it was time for me to go take a shower.  Sebastian, my almost 3 year old, usually likes to join me while I shower. So I told the kids I was heading upstairs to shower and I asked Sebastian if he was coming. Of course, he jumped up and started heading up the stairs.

I let the dogs out and then headed up behind him.  As I turned the corner, Sebastian was already reaching the top step. As he climbed the final step, he turned around and looked at me with a huge smile. He pumped his fists in the air and yelled "Yay, I did it!" I couldn't help but smile.

Seeing him do this really got me thinking. I wish I was the type of person that could celebrate every little accomplishment. I tend to be the type of person that follows along the lines of "Go big or go home".  It would be nice if I would allow myself to relish in the small accomplishments. Maybe if I did, I wouldn't feel so defeated at times.

I think the next time I accomplish something, even if it is something I've done a million times or something that doesn't seem to make much of a difference, I'm going to pump my fists in the air and yell "Yay, I did it!" Maybe with a little practice, I'll start to feel like it matters.

Looking For a Job...

I've been a stay at home mom (for the most part) for quite some time now.  As much as I enjoy spending time with my kids, I feel like I would really like to go back to work full time.

I've recently started looking for a job and hope I can find something that I would enjoy doing. Of course I'm hoping it will be in nursing (don't want to waste all the time and hard effort I put into my degree). I don't want to be too picky but I also want to find something that I can look forward to doing everyday.

I am excited about the idea of going back to work. Getting to use my nursing skills would be nice. It would be nice to have a little extra money as well. And getting out of the house and being able to talk to others about something other than Spongebob would be wonderful!

So far I've put in one application. I've got to find the right job that will work with my husband's schedule since he travel's a bit. I'm not sure what my chances are of getting this particular job...probably not too good, but I figured it couldn't hurt to try.

I'm really hoping it doesn't take too long to find something. Even though I'm a little (okay, alot) nervous about going back to work, I'm really looking forward to starting this new chapter in my life.

A Mother Knows

My daughter is getting married today. It should be a joyous occasion. I should be happy for her. But I am not.

He is not the right man for her. She is not happy. He hurts her. She denies this and puts a smile on her face. But I am her mother. And a mother knows when her children are not happy. A mother knows when her children are hiding something.

This afternoon I will sit and watch her father walk her down the aisle. I will hope she will turn around and run the other way but I fear she will not. She will walk to this man and become his wife. Her future will not be a happy one. I know this. I am her mother. A mother knows when her children are walking into a mistake. Unfortunately there is very little I can do.

I've already expressed my concern to her. I've told her I think she is making a mistake. I've asked her to reconsider. She tells me not to worry. She tells me she'll be fine. She tells me she is happy. She tells me they love each other. But I am her mother. I know otherwise.

So as they say their "I do's", I will watch with a heavy heart. The tears I will cry will not be tears of happiness. I will watch her go down this path only to get hurt. But I will be waiting. Waiting to help her pick up the pieces. Waiting to help her get her life back. Because I am her mother. And a mother knows when her children will need her most.

Puppets, caterpillars, & robots!

Since Mark had drill today, my plan for the day was to take the kids to the playground after lunch and spend the afternoon outdoors. When I woke up this morning, the sun was shining but by the time lunchtime came around, I could see the dark clouds in the distance and I knew we wouldn't be able to go to the playground as promised.

So what could we do instead??

After lunch we read a couple of books that we bought yesterday at the book fair at Eric's school. Then we curled up on the couch and watched a movie. After the movie, I pulled out the craft box and let our creative juices flow.

 

We started off making some paper bag puppets!

                        Then moved on to a spring time theme and made some caterpillars and flowers!

 

And Eric had to have a robot.....

It is now close to dinner time and the rain has moved out. The sun is shining again. I'm sure we'll be heading outside soon. Even so, the rain didn't put a damper on our fun!

Boobs!

I still currently nurse my 2 1/2 year old. He is my 5th child. My older children are very use to seeing me nurse. I tend to only nurse him at home now and because we are home, I don't bother trying to be discreet. Sometimes though this leads to interesting conversations in my house. For example, the other day we were all outside and Sebastian wanted to nurse so he climbed up on my lap, pulled my shirt up and started nursing. Eric (my 6 year old) decided he wanted to draw and ran inside and got some paper and a pen. The following conversation ensued....

Eric: I'm going to draw a picture of us. Mom, I'm going to draw your boobs! (giggles)

Me: Why are you drawing my boobs? (A little worried about what type of picture he is drawing...lol)

Eric: Because...

Me: Well we all have boobs. Why don't you draw yours?

Eric: Because they're not big like yours! (giggles)

Me: Oh. Well you know why they are big, right?

Eric: Because you have milk in them for Sebastian.

Me (feeling a little better about the direction this is going): Yes, mommy has milk for Sebastian.

I was happy to see his drawing and the normalcy in which he views breastfeeding.....

Eric, Nathan, Mark, Me nursing Sebastian!